I have no friends (page)!

Gretchen and I went out to dinner on the vet clinic, tonight was the holiday party. We ate well, and had lots of somewhat awkward work conversation. I always feel that I've made a fool of myself at these gatherings.

Last year I ordered a glass of wine. Besides the clinic owners being Mormon, and it being forbidden by their religion; being a company party, it raised issues of liability. Previous to that no one had dared to be so bold, but now the ceiling is broken; this year several people ordered drinks on the companys tab. (I did have a beer, but paid for it myself at the bar, and brought it to the table.)

This year a sweet nothing whispered into my wifes ear became a subject of conversation when she decided to share! Ladies, please, don't share those. Also I was the center of a very awkward conversational pause. Has this happened to you?: I was talking about how difficult it can be for some unfortunate people to loose weight, and all conversation died just as I said some thing like "no matter how you slice it: to loose weight, eat less!" So I totally made myself out to be a fattist. I might actually be something of a fattist, and that scares me. I would rather be, and feel that I usually am, sensitive to others, and understanding. Although, even my sister called me a fattist once. God I hope she was wrong.

On the technical side: I like Blogger because it is convenient, fairly pretty, and I can edit the HTML template! But it is quite feature less. I would like to have a friends page powered by an RSS aggregator. I may have to switch to Joomla or WordPress. But I don't think I'm up for that much work. Better to blog now, and code when motivated.

Parting Shot: CDC - Overweight and Obesity

Jack Black

I found this funny if a bit raw, but then again it's jack black so... whatever.

Kick in the cunt.

By way of an apology to those whom are offended; although, honestly, I find it even more uncomfortable: The Cunt Shop

Parting Shot: I dare you to buy a Blue Uterus Skirt!

GM Food: Not Grown in Detroit.

I do wish GM foods were labeled as such. Not that I'm particularly scared of them, but Jeffrey Smith, in his book Genetic Roulette, has shown that there might be nasty side effects. And I'd prefer to be able to make a choice to eat, or not eat GM foods.

This article says that "60 percent of our processed groceries contain genetically altered ingredients". But no reference is given, and it's easy to lie with statistics. So I'll believe it when you have a third eye, and gills. Although, I do think that Starbucks coffee beans are GM.

I've never actually written a letter to the people that represent me in government. I should give it a try.

Parting shot: Campaign to Label Genetically Engineered Foods

Squid Attack!

Th'ar be many stories of great giant squid attack on yonder high seas, but by the powers this be the strangest and the only one true tale ye ever hear.

I be taken shore leave, and woke to a powerful headache in a unfamiliar place. This ware normal for shore leave, but I began to worry when I saw there were no saucy wenches, or empty glasses to explain the headache. I was marooned in a right rum place Arkham, Massachusetts.

I quickly got on my feet being a pirate of old salt, it seemed I could almost turn lead into gold among these land lubbers. Yargh.., I even found a nice flute. But things in that town weren't right I tell ye. My timbers were just about shivered out after a few days.

Then I came across a terrible foe in the streets down the south side of town. It seemed to be birthed right from the stars; I tell ye it was horrible. I thought to soothe it and played my flute, I don't right know what happened but blowing on that flute seemed to twist my mind and tear at my soul. When my eyes stopped swimming my foe was gone.

Figuring it was time to weigh anchor, I made for the train station. Thats when I saw it. A great giant land squid! It's tentacles were a thrashing and knocking buildings down left and right. Without my trusty saber; I though I was going to the fiddlers green. Then the most astonishin' thing happened, a landlubber lass, and a Nun to boot, stepped in front of the squid, threw a stick of dynamite, and she put the black-spot on it I tell ye! I don't know where a nun comes by a flame thrower, but she single handedly burned every tentacle off that monster.

Thar now be a spot on me crew, and doubloons to boot, for any nun who can wield a flamethrower.

(I have never been able to play The Nun well. When Craig drew her I asked him to play her so that I could see it done right. After 4 rumors and 13 almost consecutive gate openings he proceeded to single handedly defeat Nyarlathotep! - Apparently I get what I ask for.)

Parting shot: Arkham Horror

Happy Thanksgiving!

Valley Life

About time I blogged. For the, like, three of you who might read this; please be prepared: the next few blog entries may be very lame.

I live in Utah now! I still have moving in things to do. It has been a month and a half now; and I am a bit dissapointed that it is taking me this long.

A large problem has been the WI DOT! We just recieved the licence plates for the Truck this week, the registration papers were sent in on October 10, and the temporary plates expired on January 7th! The title still hasn't arrived. With out the title I can't register the vehicle in Utah. According to Utah law I have to do this within 60 days, and that time is quickly running out.

From talking with some of my old co-workers (temps) they say it is very easy to get thrown into prison in Utah. I think that some form of debters prison is still in effect out here, which suprises me. Regardless, I wish I could just register the stupid vehicle and be done with it...

Living with my fiancee is a dream come true. Today we drove 60 miles to Euerka! UT, to look at a Mansion that was for sale for $130,000. What a wreck! It's a historical landmark in a tiny mining town. I didn't even bother taking a picture, it was that worthless.

I have a permanant job! I work for Modern Display in the shop. I am being trained mostly at the moment. With float season coming up I will be learning to weld! I think my fiancee's boss rented a christmas tree from my new employer, but of course I won't go trying to find out that wouldn't be nice.

Consumer Reports = Useless

While trying to research vacuum cleaners I purchased a subscription to http://www.consumerreports.org It was a waste for five dollars. Here is the letter that I wrote to them:

I am extremely disappointed with your website and the complete lack of value that I received from paying $4.95 to your company. I was shopping for a vacuum cleaner, however instead of giving me information so that I could make my own, hopefully informed, decision your website tried to tell me what I should be looking for in a Vacuum! This is completely backwards! You are supposed to give me information so that I can form opinions. Not instruct me on what is important, and then give me your opinions. I am extremely angry, your website is deceptive, uninformative, and a ripoff.

If you want to see what a real product review looks like I suggest the (free) digital camera review web site http://dpreview.com/

I was hoping that you would provide me with that type of information about vacuum cleaners. I was sorely disappointed. Let me be specific, you _supposedly_ measured the decibel output of various vacuum cleaners, instead of listing your measurements you list the "noise" on a scale with five choices from Excellent to Poor! How can I believe that you made any measurements if you don't give me the measurements that I am paying for, and don't tell me the conditions under which the measurements were made. You must tell your clients what the results of your noise test were, in decibels, so that they can form their own opinions about weather the noise level of a particular vacuum cleaner are excellent or poor.

Every single one of your ratings were presented in an equally obtuse manner: with out facts, or testing information. I have no reason to trust your opinions. The motivation of your corporation is clearly to make money, not help consumers. I am simply astonished by your audacity at trying to sell undocumented corporate opinions! You misrepresented your website and the information that I would find inside it; please refund my money and cancel my subscription.